Sunday, July 17, 2011

Week 1: Letters to my babies, and self portrait.

Dear Vidalia and Donavan,

I don't even know where to begin. I am trying to make my way through this world until the day we can meet again. I love the both of you so much! I miss and think about you every day. There isn't a day that goes by when one of your brothers or sisters doesn't mention you. You are apart of all that we do. I hope you are looking down on us and seeing how even though you are not here in person you are here in spirit.

I thought I would tell you a little about your father and I, some things you would have known as you grew up. We meet online, I know what your thinking, your mommy and daddy had to use online dating to find each other! But it is the best thing either of us have done. We meet online in March 2007, and had our first date in May. On our first date I drove out to your daddy's apartment in PA (since his car wasn't working right) and we went to this little pizza place not far away. After we had dinner we decided to go bowling where I preceded to win all the games we played. It was getting late and since our date was on a weekday we decided to call it a night. I want you both to know, that your daddy didn't even give me a kiss good by!! He leaned over and pecked me on the cheek! That was it!

The following week we made plans for Daddy to come to our house here in NJ. The plan was that he would spend the weekend. It was Memorial Day weekend. We had a great time. He got to meet your brothers and sisters. He meet many of my friends. Come Monday evening when it was time for him to go home he didn't want to go!  I'm not really sure how it happened but he said something about wishing he could stay, and I told him I wouldn't tell him not to, so he stayed! We both knew we loved each other from almost the first meeting. It was love at first sight!

We have been together ever since. We finally made it official on May 22, 2010. We had this beautiful sunrise wedding on the beach on Long Island. It was perfect! You both were there in our hearts! We had this wonderful lady in Australia write your names out in the sand and photographed them for us. We had those photographs blown up and put onto canvas. That way everyone at our wedding knew that you were very much apart of everything we did.

Love ya both! Mommy

These three pictures represent various points through my journey of healing.

The first one is of me holding my beloved Donavan. He was delivered via c-section on September 23, 2009. A mere 21 weeks old. Too little to survive in this world outside my body. (This is the first time I am sharing his picture)

The second picture is the one and only tattoo I have.  I got it as a gift to myself for my marriage to their father.  No one knew about it besides my husband until the morning I walled down to the pier for our sunrise wedding. I could hear everyone gasping as I walked passed them in my long wedding dress with the open back. There was wipered remarks about not knowing I had a tattoo. Even my mother and father were shocked. This is something no one expected from me.

The last picture is one of me from just this week, taken especially for this assignment. As I was thinking about how I was going to do this assignment I tried out various different poses and places. I finally settled on a picture of myself in a mirror. This way I could use my camera in a creative way since it is such a part of my life.

Monday, July 4, 2011

New adventure starts tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the day. They day I start my new adventure of healing through photography. I am very excited and nervous to get started. I am not sure what will happen. How will I deal with all the flood of memories. How will I be able to convey the pain and sorrow I feel. I will I heal and move forward through this time in my life? I guess I will just have to wait and see what tomorrow will bring.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

New Adventure

I am going to start a new adventure in the near future. I have signed up for an online photography class that will focus on healing from the loss of a child. Please stay tuned and see what I can do.